


the way a human loves another human

by neiljostenminyard



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Bisexuality, Emotionally Repressed, IDK man just vibinggg, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, figuring stuff out, that's declan!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23104207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neiljostenminyard/pseuds/neiljostenminyard
Summary: Since Declan was a child, he had a list of facts that he gathered from what he saw around him, and lived by them: Don't tell anyone about what your father does. You need to protect your brothers. Boys date girls.But.Or: Declan VS feelings VS bisexuality
Relationships: Declan Lynch & Ronan Lynch, Declan Lynch/Original Male Character(s), In the background... helping declan lmao, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 7
Kudos: 157





	the way a human loves another human

**Author's Note:**

> HI.. this is my first time writing trc so it might be. a bit ooc? im still figuring out how to write them. BUT I really wanted to write this lmao
> 
> Also English is Not my first language sorry if there r any mistakes<3
> 
> Title from [this:](http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=709) "I love you the way a knife loves a heart the way a bomb loves a crowd the way your mother warned you about, essentially. (the way a human loves another human)"

Declan Lynch hummed. He was sitting in a library, reading some book a relative of a friend of his father supposedly wrote. 

When he got up to leave, there was a guy sitting at the table next to his. He was handsome, tall. He was smiling. 

Declan left. 

——

When people asked Declan Lynch about dating, he answered, “I don’t mind,” And hoped they’d get an answer from that vague statement.

Today, a girl at a museum asked him, “are you single?”

Declan answered blandly, “yes.” 

Then she asked, “what do you like?” 

He was surprised that she asked him. Declan answered, “girls,” because that was.. true. He never tried the possibility that he likes something else. He was never close to someone gay except his brother- Declan Lynch was never close to anyone, really. The girl laughed. Declan didn’t know why. Did he say it weird? Was his expression weird? 

And, “do you want to get dinner, then?” 

She was pretty. She had long, soft brown curls with dyed parts and blue eyes. She was pretty, but during dinner, Declan found out her name’s Ashley and decided he had enough of that.

———

He couldn’t stop thinking about _what do you like_ for the rest of the week.

——— 

**Declan:** Lunch after Mass? 

**Matthew:** 🍃

 **Ronan:** no

 **Ronan:** adam told me 2 say yes

 **Declan:** Matthew? 

**Matthew:** :) 

**Declan:** Great. 

——

Mass went well. Ronan complained about Declan and Matthew smiled the whole time. 

They decided to have lunch at the Barns. Or, Adam decided. Declan didn’t mind that- if you could see how in love Ronan and Adam are in other places, at the Barns it was at its maximum level. They were attached to the hip. They kissed. They touched every chance they got. 

Declan thought if that was something a boring person can afford. 

And lunch went well. Ronan was so focused on Adam that he barely complained, and when he did, Adam said things like _that’s your brother_ or _sorry Declan_ as if Declan wasn’t Ronan’s brother since he came into this world. 

But. Today, Declan has a plan. He decided that he would abandon the big brother role for just a few minutes. 

Because he told Adam before, ( _I need to talk about something with Ronan after lunch_ and at Adam’s raised eyebrows he said, _nothing serious, just embarrassing_ ) And Adam kept his promise to leave and take Matthew with him, told him to help him with the cows, and who was Matthew if he didn’t agree?

Step 1: success. 

Now. 

Declan and Ronan sat in silence. Declan opened his mouth a few times and then closed it. Ronan looked at him weirdly, as if he’s about to say either _what_ or _fuck you._ He didn’t say anything. Instead, he kept staring at a spot above Declan’s head. 

“How.” Declan started, and stopped. Ronan now stared at him with his aggressive, cutting eyes. Niall's eyes. Declan wondered what Niall would think if he was alive. 

“How?” Ronan prompted him to continue. Declan tapped his foot on the ground. 

Declan was tired of stalling. So he said fast, bluntly, “How did you know that you like men.” 

Ronan stared at him. And stared. And finally said, “Jesus.” 

They sat in silence. Ronan looked like he was trying to build a sentence in his mind, but Declan just thought _I need my big brother position back._

“I shouldn’t have asked you,” Declan said and got up. Ronan kept staring at him. Declan wanted to take this table and turn it upside down and then turn it upside down again and break it. Instead, he put the chair in place and started walking. Ronan’s gaze was still on him. 

“Declan,” He started before Declan could leave. “It’s different for everyone. If you find men attractive in that way. Then.” Ronan stopped as if he said a full sentence. Declan nodded, stiff, and turned around to leave. 

Fuck. He should’ve googled it.

——— 

Declan shouldn’t have asked him. It was the only thing he could think about since he asked Ronan 3 days ago. _Ronan, I know this would probably sound weird because you hate me and maybe this is a bit insensitive but how did you found out you like men??_

“Jesus,” Declan whispered to himself. He put the book down and his head in his hands. 

Then, a smooth voice asked, “everything okay?” 

Declan turned around and saw the guy from the last time he was here. Declan probably stared at him for a few seconds too long, because the man’s smile widened. 

“I’m Ethan,” he said and reached to shake Declan’s hand. 

“Declan,” he answered, and shook it. 

Ethan kept smiling. His black curls almost hid his brown eyes. He looked at the chair next to Declan’s and asked, “Do you mind if I join?” As if there weren’t many, many empty tables and chairs here. 

Declan said, “no.” Because he didn’t mind. 

Ethan sat down next to Declan. Everything about him, from the way he moves to the way he talks, was gentle. He told Declan about the Russian literature he’s reading and how he really likes this author, and Declan listened, _listened_ , because he wanted to, not because that’s what a boring person would do. 

——- 

Declan sat down in his living room and stared at the ceiling. Then, he made a decision. 

He left his house, went to a small bar not too far away, and sat down to just look. Later, he’d find this decision weird, but at that moment it seemed like the solution. He looked at the people who came and went and at some who stayed, like him, and drank. All the girls were beautiful, from short hair to long hair, from tall to short, and from quiet to loud. Maybe one of them isn’t named Ashley, and he can get dinner with her. 

But. He didn’t come here for that. He looked at the men, as well. Because he never took the time to consider this idea, never _looked._ He couldn’t find a site that really helped him- What are the requirements for being bisexual? Like 2 genders. He knew that already.

The men were all pretty as well. He didn’t know what to do with that information, so after a while, he left. 

—— 

**GAY TEST!**

Congrats! You are 80% bisexual. 

You're attracted to both genders.

GET MORE TESTS LIKE THIS HERE

————

It wasn’t Declan’s proudest moment.

——————

Declan tried to remember how he was in high school and then thought, fuck. Because he wasn’t anything in high school. He was too busy being an adult-teenager to stare at people and fall in love and do whatever high schoolers do. He can’t remember looking a certain way at men, but he also can’t remember looking a certain way at girls, which he did date, and was attracted to all of them. But was it because society put the idea that it’s normal for him to be attracted to them when he was a child using cartoons with heteronormative ideas? Was it the fact that he only saw straight people? 

Well. He isn’t in high school anymore. 

Ronan isn’t in high school anymore, either, which is why they could eat some kind of brunch together. He didn’t even know Ronan ate brunch. But it was a lot less weird than Ronan inviting him to eat together. 

It was a bit awkward. Ronan just played with his food for a while. Then, he looked at Declan in the eyes. “Did you get an answer?” 

“For what?” 

“Do you like men?” 

Declan stared at him. Then, “oh.” And, “I don’t know.”

Ronan looked unconvinced. “Some people figure it out late. You didn’t have time to figure it out in high school.” It was funny, how Ronan sounded aggressive even now, as if to make sure Declan knows that he’s still annoying. 

Declan said, “yeah.” 

Ronan said, “you know I meant it when I said it’s different for everyone?” 

Declan said, “yeah.” 

Ronan took a few bites from his eggs and said, “I feel like we switched roles again.” 

————-

Adam was in high school, which is why they ate lunch together instead. Declan doesn’t think he ever ate lunch with just Adam. 

He was surprised when Adam texted him through Ronan’s phone to say let’s have lunch. 

Declan looked at Adam eating. And then, out of nowhere, he said- “I figured out that I like men when I fell in love with Ronan.” 

Declan looked at Adam and wondered just how much Ronan told him. As if he could read his mind, Adam said, “Ronan told me everything.” 

Declan sighed. “You shouldn’t make this your mission to figure out.” 

Adam shook his head, “no, that’s not it. I just thought I can help you. Maybe there’s someone you like.” 

Declan nodded, and Adam nodded back, and that seemed to be the end of this conversation.

————— 

Declan knew that Ethan went to the library every Monday. 

Declan went to the library even though he didn’t need anything. When he sat inside, he saw Ethan. He was talking to a girl. When Ethan noticed Declan, he smiled at him. 

Declan allowed himself to smile back. He thought about _maybe there’s someone you like._ Ethan sat down next to him, and started telling him about one of his classes when Declan decided to ask, an impulsive decision in a life full of carefully planned things, for his phone number.

——————

 **Declan:** I think I figured it out.

 **Declan:** Thank Adam for me.

 **Ronan:** 👍

 **Ronan:** [picture of cow shit] 

**Ronan:** reminded me of you

————

Declan sat down in his living room and stared at his phone. He had Ethan’s number. Ethan had his. Last time they met at the library, Ethan told him that he wants to write a book someday, and he came up with so many creative ideas that Declan thought, why is he talking to _me?_

Declan carefully pressed the call button, and Ethan answered immediately, like he was waiting for this call. “Hi,” Ethan said, “Declan!”

Declan thought, _yeah that’s my name_ and _his voice is really smooth_ and _I guess I can ask him why._

“Ethan,” Declan said, “do you want to get dinner?”

**Author's Note:**

> declan lynch fanclub


End file.
